Saturday, October 10, 2009

Pink Snowballs (insert your own joke here)

Next Friday, we're having a pink snowball eating contest at work.

Yes, you read that correctly.

We're talking about the pink ones like these or these, not the kind that will get you in trouble with the HR department.

I'm not quite sure why we're doing this, but there is $50 prize for the person who eats the most in one minute. I'm excited because most of our past contests have involved shooting hoops with a nerf ball. I'm bad at shooting hoops, but I think I can handle eating snowballs.

But there are two things that concern me.

First, I couldn't find any snowballs at my HEB.

I don't think I've ever eaten one of these snowballs in my entire life. I remember my precalculus teach in high school used to eat them. That's probably the only reason I know what they are.

So if I want to devise a strategy, I should actually eat a snowball first. But how much work do I want to go through to find these? I had to go to HEB today anyway, but am I really going to search Walgreens, CVS, Randalls and other HEBs for pink snowballs?

The second issue is more existential. I'm fat, and I'm not ashamed. But if I win, I'll enforce every negative stereotype about fat people you can think of. But if I don't compete, I'll let those stereotypes hold me back.

Either way, I've already signed up. So I have about a week to find out if the contest meets IFOCE safety standards, if we can dip the snowballs in water like the pros and if they're going to have enough trash cans on hand for all the pink puke.

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